Hi. Ok, so you know this isn’t a usual recipe blog? I felt it was time for a honest update on me. Please don’t think this is some ego-crazed post. I just want to be honest with you all about what goes on, behind the scenes, recipes and photos.
In today’s shiny, perfect, Instagram world it’s very easy to portray yourself online, in an unreal way. That isn’t who I am. Not for a moment.
As some of you may know I have regular, disabling migraines. In addition I also have chronic lower back and neck pain, oh and I’ve recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. So yep quite a bit to deal with, until……..
Just before Easter, when I started having seizures (fits). This resulted in me spending two and a half weeks in hospital over the Easter holidays. We have three children, that is NOT where I wanted to be!!
The seizures have continued since April and I can have anywhere between 2 – 15 seizures in a day, each lasting between 10 minutes to an hour and a half. I do not have Epilepsy. Today I was diagnosed as having Disassociative Non Epileptic Seizures.
I have been Living With Seizures for the past 6 months and yet I’ve still managed to post recipes on this blog. How???
Determination. A deep sense of not allowing the seizures to rob me of my life and loves. There are certain things I cannot do, for example driving. I could let myself become despondent about not being able to drive, but I haven’t. Instead I have been more thankful than ever for online grocery shopping, in fact, online shopping for everything!
I love to bake. In spite of the physical pain I experience standing for more than a few minutes, I can’t give it up. Even though I am Living With Seizures, I still, somehow manage to create new recipes and make them and post them on this blog.
I’m pretty darn proud of that! Yes migraines may slam me for a few days, where I am unable to leave my bed, but in my first year of blogging I wrote over 100 posts! Yep I’m proud of that too.
On a practical level Living With Seizures has limited certain activities, for example I haven’t made any jam or preserves as I simply don’t know if I will be ‘fitting’ just at the point of the jam setting!! Larger cakes are baked when someone else is home so that they don’t burn away merrily in the oven whilst I am mid-fit. Recipes are broken down into small sections, weighing out, combining, baking, icing. All do-able just not necessarily in one smooth sequence. Occasionally one of our daughters will complete the ‘photo shoot’ – usually so they can then tuck into whatever I’ve baked!!
Having frequent seizures is also exhausting. So baking is carried out over the morning. If I start to edge to far into the afternoon, it becomes more challenging and sometimes impossible to complete what I’ve started. For me that is sooo frustrating. I hate leaving a job unfinished – yet sometimes that’s the only option.
Writing up posts, editing photos etc. all takes place when I am resting. I spend a significant amount of time in bed. Having ‘something meaningful’ to do gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Very important for my mental well being. Anyone who lives with a chronic condition knows that keeping positive is a daily challenge.
Everyone needs a purpose for getting up (not literally on some days) in the morning, don’t they?
My Faith in Jesus is the Rock upon which my life is built. If I get down and I do sometimes, He lifts me up. Being given the full diagnosis today and being referred to a Neuro-Psychiatrist is scary. Very scary. I will get through it because He is holding my hand. Crumbs, most days Jesus is literally carrying me in His arms. In Him I have hope. Where, who or what do you place your hope in?
I know I have a long difficult journey ahead of me. I am determined to make it to the finish line. I will not be like this forever.
I have found that when I open myself up, here, on the internet, I connect with people’s hearts. As I have said in The Pain Payoff, pain is not comparable between people. In fact John Green put it so beautifully in his book A Fault In Our Stars – “Pain deserves to be felt.”
That doesn’t mean I think it is healthy to wallow for days on end, when dealing with a disabling medical condition, rather, that denying ourselves the time to come to terms with what you are faced with, is, detrimental to our wellbeing.
My hope is that each post I publish connects with you. Whether through your heart and emotions, your rumbling tummy with one of my recipes, or both. I appreciate each and everyone of you who stop to read my little corner of the blogosphere. Your comments encourage me to keep going.
I want to encourage you, in whatever you are dealing with right now or facing in the future. Lean on Jesus, your Friend and Saviour. He loves you more than you could ever, ever know. From personal experience I know that any battle fought is easier with Him by your side.
You may find this helpful
Are you struggling at the moment?
I will happily answer any questions to the best of my ability.
Sammie x
All photographs from Pinterest.
Hi Sammie
I was just looking at your blog..adding to a ever growing list of bakes from your collection I would like to bake😍. I came across your blog about your seizures and the tough days and pain you face. Wow Sammie I had no idea from your beautiful posts on twitter and Instagram that you suffered from seizures etc. You poor thing. As you know I am a fan of all your bakes..such
a talented baker. I am now however in awe and just wanted to say well done..through all your troubles and pain you have achieved so much in your blog and bakes..reaching so many and inspiring people to bake. You are so right in so far as the we only really show a small picture of our lives on social media. I always steered away from it as I used it for work and saw how it can take over your life but what I
have realised in the last few months is the lovely people you connect with that share a love of Baking but also show support and friendship💞. Faith in life is such a gift and brings such comfort throughout life’s ups &downs 🙏🏻. Anyway I wanted to say well done but realise I have done so in a very long winded way so apologies but keep going with the blog and 🙏🏻 your health improves.XxxHilary😘
Ah there is no need to apologise Hilary. You are such a huge encouragement, lifting people when they are down, speaking praise when they’ve created a beautiful bake.
It is true Social Media can become all consuming, however, as long as balance is achieved it can be a truly wonderful tool. For me, where I am no longer able to work, I now have the banter and conversation through Twitter, during the day. In fact I hadn’t realised just how much I’d missed it, until I joined Twitter a year ago.
There is no greater compliment, for me, than when someone chooses to use one of my recipes. Helping people to become more confident in their kitchens, whilst I get to be creative in mine literally means the world to me.
So I’ve found a way of balancing my need ‘to do’ and desire to help, with what my body allows.
The result is that this blog give me a huge sense of accomplishment.
Thank you for your very kind words. I truly believe we all inspire each other. Xxx
Hi Sammie ❤ wow u really are an incredible lady, love the blog it’s on my favourites now , ty for being u your amazing love & hugs xxxx
Thank you for your kind comments. I have realised that most people have ‘stuff’ going on, that we don’t all know about. I can just be me. The love inside me is there, given as a gift, by the One who made me. I would be a very poor version of myself, without Jesus. Sammie xx
I just stand in awe of your courage sammie, always a kind and inspiring girl who I’m proud to be one of your twitter buddies. Well done for your bravery and openess, love you sammie x
Thank you Nina. My Twitter family have become a daily lift for me. We all share, have fun, talk endlessly about all things baking related. I’m proud to call you, Nina, a true friend. Sammie xx
I never realised what difficulties you live with , your Twitter posts are always so lovely and encouraging. You are a courageous lady and I’m glad baking gives you a happy focus in your life. I’m sure your husband children and faith are a huge support but your positive outlook on life must be the best medicine ever xx
Thank you so much for you lovely comment Becky. Although I still have them too frequently, this blog is such a major achievement for me. If I can inspire one person to bake or share a cuppa with a lonely neighbour, then I’m happy. Sammie x
Thank you for your encouragement Chocolette. I really am so pleased that I’ve kept this blog going, despite what my body throws at me. Sammie x
You are so right. I expect most of us have a fair few problems behind our “isn’t life wonderful” blogs. Life can throw some tough things at you. It’s certainly thrown a few at you. Having such frequent seizures sounds particularly horrid. Well done for ploughing on despite them and for remaining so cheerful.