Hi. Ok, so you know this isn’t a usual recipe blog? I felt it was time for a honest update on me. Please don’t think this is some ego-crazed post. I just want to be honest with you all about what goes on, behind the scenes, recipes and photos.
In today’s shiny, perfect, Instagram world it’s very easy to portray yourself online, in an unreal way. That isn’t who I am. Not for a moment.
As some of you may know I have regular, disabling migraines. In addition I also have chronic lower back and neck pain, oh and I’ve recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. So yep quite a bit to deal with, until……..
Just before Easter, when I started having seizures (fits). This resulted in me spending two and a half weeks in hospital over the Easter holidays. We have three children, that is NOT where I wanted to be!!
The seizures have continued since April and I can have anywhere between 2 – 15 seizures in a day, each lasting between 10 minutes to an hour and a half. I do not have Epilepsy. Today I was diagnosed as having Disassociative Non Epileptic Seizures.
I have been Living With Seizures for the past 6 months and yet I’ve still managed to post recipes on this blog. How???
Determination. A deep sense of not allowing the seizures to rob me of my life and loves. There are certain things I cannot do, for example driving. I could let myself become despondent about not being able to drive, but I haven’t. Instead I have been more thankful than ever for online grocery shopping, in fact, online shopping for everything!
I love to bake. In spite of the physical pain I experience standing for more than a few minutes, I can’t give it up. Even though I am Living With Seizures, I still, somehow manage to create new recipes and make them and post them on this blog.
I’m pretty darn proud of that! Yes migraines may slam me for a few days, where I am unable to leave my bed, but in my first year of blogging I wrote over 100 posts! Yep I’m proud of that too.
On a practical level Living With Seizures has limited certain activities, for example I haven’t made any jam or preserves as I simply don’t know if I will be ‘fitting’ just at the point of the jam setting!! Larger cakes are baked when someone else is home so that they don’t burn away merrily in the oven whilst I am mid-fit. Recipes are broken down into small sections, weighing out, combining, baking, icing. All do-able just not necessarily in one smooth sequence. Occasionally one of our daughters will complete the ‘photo shoot’ – usually so they can then tuck into whatever I’ve baked!!
Having frequent seizures is also exhausting. So baking is carried out over the morning. If I start to edge to far into the afternoon, it becomes more challenging and sometimes impossible to complete what I’ve started. For me that is sooo frustrating. I hate leaving a job unfinished – yet sometimes that’s the only option.
Writing up posts, editing photos etc. all takes place when I am resting. I spend a significant amount of time in bed. Having ‘something meaningful’ to do gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Very important for my mental well being. Anyone who lives with a chronic condition knows that keeping positive is a daily challenge.
Everyone needs a purpose for getting up (not literally on some days) in the morning, don’t they?
My Faith in Jesus is the Rock upon which my life is built. If I get down and I do sometimes, He lifts me up. Being given the full diagnosis today and being referred to a Neuro-Psychiatrist is scary. Very scary. I will get through it because He is holding my hand. Crumbs, most days Jesus is literally carrying me in His arms. In Him I have hope. Where, who or what do you place your hope in?
I know I have a long difficult journey ahead of me. I am determined to make it to the finish line. I will not be like this forever.
I have found that when I open myself up, here, on the internet, I connect with people’s hearts. As I have said in The Pain Payoff, pain is not comparable between people. In fact John Green put it so beautifully in his book A Fault In Our Stars – “Pain deserves to be felt.”
That doesn’t mean I think it is healthy to wallow for days on end, when dealing with a disabling medical condition, rather, that denying ourselves the time to come to terms with what you are faced with, is, detrimental to our wellbeing.
My hope is that each post I publish connects with you. Whether through your heart and emotions, your rumbling tummy with one of my recipes, or both. I appreciate each and everyone of you who stop to read my little corner of the blogosphere. Your comments encourage me to keep going.
I want to encourage you, in whatever you are dealing with right now or facing in the future. Lean on Jesus, your Friend and Saviour. He loves you more than you could ever, ever know. From personal experience I know that any battle fought is easier with Him by your side.
You may find this helpful
Are you struggling at the moment?
I will happily answer any questions to the best of my ability.
Sammie x
All photographs from Pinterest.