headache – Feasting Is Fun

Hello there eveyone. How you doing? No really – How – Are – You? I really want to know. I thought I’d veer off my normal recipe/uplifting thought inspiring post for today and be honest. It’s not that I’m dishonest on my blog, but I fully understand that whenever you portray yourself via a blog, or on social media, you get to choose which parts of you the world sees. Which is why I’m addressing why Migraine Not Always Sunshine And Roses.

Now I love Sunshine and I adore Roses, but in my real, everyday life sometimes the Sunshine hurts and the Roses are thorny and those thorns can dig in and take a while to come out – I’ll explain:

Actually, this is really hard to put into words.

I struggle. I’ve just been up (I literally mean out of bed and dressed) for 2 days. The previous 4 days were spent laying in my bed, blackout curtains drawn, burying my head into piles of pillows trying to stop the pain. I had a Migraine and yes it lasted 4 whole days.

The slightest sniff of even the blandest food can set off nausea and vomiting. A shard of sunlight, streaming through a gap in the curtains, feel like a dagger to my eye. My head literally feels like it is going to explode; like someone is blowing a balloon up inside my head and the pressure keeps building and building.

A Migraine is not a headache, although blinding pain in your head can be part of the Migraine. My head throbs with every beat of my heart, the pressure increasing with every beat until eventually I vomit and the pressure is temporarily released, only to build again as the cycle repeats itself.

At the onset of a Migraine I begin to lose the sight in my left eye (a relatively new development), my sense of smell goes into overdrive, I crave fresh, cold air, yawn incessantly. My one and only desire is to head straight to bed, briefly halted by the need to get Indomethacin in me ASAP – there’s no dignity in having a Migraine, it’s a suppository.

Once cocooned in my blacked out room I have to decide whether to use my Triptan injection. You’d think it’d be a straightforward decision, but hang on – my ability to think, let alone think clearly goes right out of the much needed open window as soon as a Migraine begins. Firstly the injection hurts – a lot! I also have Migraines so frequently (it’s not uncommon for me to spend more than half of the week in bed) that I have to limit how much Triptan I use.

Sumitriptan is one of a group of drugs, called Triptans, that can halt, or shorten the length of a Migraine. However, in me, overuse can lead to tolerance and so the injection has little or no effect. Long term overuse can also lead to ‘Medication Misuse’ triggered Migraines and/or headaches.

Writing this blog is upsetting because it forces me to focus on the reality of the world and body I live in. A natural optimist, I always focus on the good rather than the bad. And that sucks. I hate that I am in pain. Also, I hate that my back and neck go into spasm and my body aches like I’ve got the Flu. Being sick is something else I hate, except for the few minutes after vomiting, when the pressure in my head is relieved. I hate that the Migraine plays tricks on my body, I feel a bit better, move and the throbbing in my head comes back with a vengeance. I hate having my words come out all jumbled up, when I try to speak.

But mostly I hate the impact it has on my hubby and our 3 children. Is there a mother out there who delights in being cared for, dependant on their children??? I don’t. I’m their mum, I should be doing the looking after. The added stress to my amazing hubby, who I forever wonder why he choose me?

On a practical side, me being ‘out of action’ is a nightmare, that is soothed only by help from the BEST family (both of ours), friends I don’t deserve and my Faith (see ‘Important Stuff’).

To all of you I say Thank you from the bottom of my heart – I love you.

I have always had Migraines, even when I was a toddler. Then I was involved in a car accident 25 years ago and the Migraines changed. Before they would build during the day, culminating in a vicious cycle of intense pain, vomiting, sleep, pain building etc. I learned what foods to avoid and overtime narrowed down some of my other triggers; such as tiredness, excitement, not eating regularly.

Since the car accident I wake in the early hours of the morning (between 3-5am) with a full blown, excruciatingly painful Migraine. Dr’s don’t know why – I suspect it could be due to the neck/back injury I sustained in the accident. Who knows?? It is what it is and it sucks.

The waste of being unable to ‘do’ anything, just stuck in bed. Praying hard that this Migraine will pass quickly. All I’ve ever wanted to be is normal. To blend in (hard I’m 6 foot tall). While giving our children a great childhood and being the best wife I can be. And to help others. So frustrating and disappointing. My belief in and love for Jesus gets me through, always, even when I think I can’t face another day He carries me through.

I’m not looking for sympathy, just a little understanding. Finally, I started this blog so that I could not only share my recipes but have something positive to do when I’m recovering from a Migraine?