Hello, lovely people, thank you for stopping by to read my blog. I have a question for all of you who suffer with chronic pain, migraines, fibromyalgia, seizures etc. Do you experience The Pain Pay Off? What I mean by this is, whilst most of you will be in pain pretty much all of the time, if you’re feeling a bit better and you attempt to do something, do you know there will be consequences later??
You see that’s pretty much my life. I am in pain constantly and sometimes there is nothing more that I can do other than curl up, in bed, in a darkened room, waiting for the acute pain to settle into something more manageable. When that’s not the case I try to pace myself through the day, carrying out small tasks with rests in between bouts of activity.
The problem is there is no way of knowing if there while be a price to pay later – The Pain Pay Off. No matter how hard I try to pace myself and ‘not overdo things’ sometimes my body says “enough” and just starts to shut down. This can be in the form of a migraine, back spasm, pain or more recently a seizure. It is sooo frustrating!!! I have a million and one things I’d love to do in my head and in reality I’m fortunate if I get the ‘and one’ thing done.
The Pain Pay Off can also be really random. What I can do on one day doesn’t mean I can do the same thing on any other day and ‘get away with it’. This makes planning virtually impossible.
So how do I deal with it? To be honest sometimes I don’t deal with it very well. I cry and feel like life is very unfair and get cross at my body for letting me down. Come on, I used to be able to run 10 miles – where did that girl go??
Othertimes I just have to accept that this has become the new ‘normal’ for me. Focus on all the positives in my life; my hubby, our 3 gorgeous children, my amazing family and friends. And then there’s God. It’s not always easy holding onto your Faith when you’re hurting. But I know He understands. He loves and accepts me just as I am – that really helps.
Practically, unless I have a migraine, I use distraction techniques; playing Solitaire on my phone, watching a film, reading through my Bloglovin’ feed. It can be hard to concentrate though if the pain is bad.
As for the seizures, well they kinda mess everything up. My body acts on it’s own, it jerks and contorts and I just have to try and concentrate on my breathing, until the seizure has passed. I know I will hurt afterwards. The Pain Pay Off is still there, it’s just a result of my body jarring itself, rather than because I’ve chosen to do something. That’s so not fair, but it is real and it is my life at the moment.
Do you have to deal with pain?
Is there a Pain Pay Off that you know to expect should you chose to undertake an activity?
How do you deal with The Pain Pay Off?
Sammie x
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I’m so sad to read this! To be honest, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself with the constant pain I have (including a non-stop headache for the past 4 years) but after reading this, I realized I should be thankful that the pain isn’t extreme. I don’t know how you do it!
And I know how you feel with used to being able to run 10 miles! I could never do that, but I could exercise like a normal person, and now I can’t even go at Level 0 on the elliptical for 5 minutes without seriously screwing everything up even more for weeks afterwards. Even water aerobics is a no-go! It’s ridiculous.
I sincerely hope we’ll just wake up one day and feel perfect. Or at least mostly pain-free. 🙂
Oh Erin I’m so sorry. I totally get it and I honestly believe pain is not comparable between people. What is felt by one person and disrupts their life is equally valid with another, even though pain levels vary. It was a hard post to write as I was being very open and also I never want anyone to feel like I do. I knew, from previous posts though that there are millions of people living with daily pain. Somehow just knowing that you are not alone, or going mad (!!!) helps. I hope and pray that both our pain eases soon. Sammie x
I’m happy you wrote it! It’s good to know that I’m not alone and I’m sure others feel the same way after reading your post. I’ll try to be more like you and focus on the positive. 🙂
Some days are easier to stay positive than others. I definitely think it helps, even when I’m in agony to find good things to focus on. Thanks Erin x
UGH YES!! yes, yes. I usually aim for one errand day a week, but even then, my maximum time out is about six hours.. Anything past that and I can literally feel my body just starting to shut down like a robot. If I push through it, I almost always end up with a migraine so it’s just not worth it. Like you, I’m in pain all the time and pretty much couch bound. I sometimes get bursts of energy for a few days where I can tackle major cleaning projects but I know I won’t be good for days and days afterward. Going to one doctors appointment puts me out for days because of the extra exertion, stress, and poking and prodding/extra pain they cause. Everything I do has to be thought about with what the pain pay off is going to be, and I decide if doing that activity will be worth it or not, because there is ALWAYS a pay off. 🙁
I read a lot to try to distract myself but since I’m always so tired I usually fall asleep, lol! So during the day I typically work on craft projects – making jewelry for my business, drawing and painting, working on little inexpensive things I have found on Pinterest. Without crafting, I would lose my mind! I also have my dogs to distract me.
I am so happy you found my blog and commented on it, it seems like we have a lot in common. I am really enjoying reading your blog and hope you enjoy mine, too! 🙂
Gabbi my heart completely goes out to you. When I wrote that post I hoped that I wasn’t the only one who experienced the Pain Pay Off. But somehow I knew that there must be others who were going through what I have to deal with.
Reading your beautiful, but brutal comment made me soo sad, that you have to pace yourself, make a decision based on how long you will be ‘out of service’ afterwards.
I haven’t felt relief yet that someone else knows how I feel – maybe that will come in time. Right now I just want to give you a big hug, sit down have a cup of tea and tell you that it won’t always be like this. Even though, I know, that it might be. My instant reaction is to reassure you.
Thank you being so brave with your comment and for being real.
I really hope that reading my blog gives you some hope?
I also pray that today will be a good day for you, that you will be able to do little bits and not have to pay for doing them.
Sammie x